28 March, 2009

forty-one.

Hiya chicas! :D Hope everyone is having a LOVELY weekend.

I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you that left me such wonderful comments! I really appreciate it. I thought I was alone in the whole leg dealio but it’s good to know I’m not crazy. Plus, I think I can finally tell me Mom… the next time I see her, which will be in a long time… like May? Gar! :( I hope I don’t chicken out by then.

Not very many eats to show and those that I do have are pretty icky looking. Since I got my camera back, I really hate taking pictures with my phone. (I use my phone for lunch/dinner pictures because I eat in the dining hall and my camera for snacks/breakfast which I usually eat in my room.)

I do have quite a few bar pictures though.

001not really my favorite. it was okay, but too sweet for me.

003one of my favorite bars. i love the mango-y flavor. mmm.

004   wow! this is such a wonderful flavor. really, it’s almost as
delicious as the mango macadamia kind bar or the cherry
pie larabar, but not quite. it really does wake you up!

006close-up. lots of almond slivers and the vanilla-yogurt stuff on the
top and bottom was pretty tasty.

007mmmmm!!! I loved how  lemony it was. really really good.

a lunch and dinner from friday.0326091751chicken soup + Fritos x2 
I haven’t had Fritos since 7th grade. I forgot how much I love them!

0327091711 a piece of FRIED cod (can you see him back there?),
steamed green beans + tomatoes, and some weird chip thing.

I’ve been trying really hard to eat chips lately. I’ve never been a junk food kind of person but there are some fatty foods that I really like (fritos and kettle cooked potato chips.) that I’ve “given up”.

I’ve also been trying to lay off the yogurt, especially the low fat kind. In my mind, low fat = low calorie, low calorie = restricting, etc. etc. Low fat just seems to trigger me now. However, the roomie and I are going to stop’n’shop tomorrow because I have these:

002Yes! The lovely people at Stonyfield sent me some free yogurt coupons. :O

I can’t wait! I’ve only tried Fage (once) and Chobani (my love), in the Greek yogurt department, so I’m excited to expand my horizons.  I’ve heard mixed reviews about Oikos so I think I’ll do my own review tomorrow, once I taste. :) [Don’t worry, Mr. Chobani will come home with me too! The honey flavor, especially!)

I feel kinda weird today, not sure why. I just… I dunno, I’ve started to… ekk! I’m kinda embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve kinda started noticing this guy in my grade. Like, not just notice, but, you know, notice. I haven’t had this feeling since back in July of last year, right when I started going out with Fritz that, honestly as stupid/immature/childish/silly as it sounds, I really did love. He was the first and only person I ever told about ED and , when I told him, it just kinda slipped out- I didn’t mean to tell him. He was understanding about ED and helped me with it a lot. Unfortunately, it ended pretty badly in December and we stopped talking. I was really broken up about it because it was my fault. I cried all the time about it… ugg! That sounds really icky, you know? Makes me feel like one of those silly teenage girls that obsess over guys, when I’m really not. I don’t pay much attention to them at all, ‘cause they have the same maturity level that they did when they were five. But Fritz was different. (That sounds even worse to me. Gaaah!) And, I dunno, this boy just seems different too… deep down, my gut says, “No, Em, he. is. not.” but my heart says different. Whenever I see him, I basically run. Bolt is more like it. I’m afraid that he might be able to see through all the fake crap I put up when I’m with other people. I really hate feeling jumbled up like this, especially when compounded with ED.

Because, to be honest, ED is being an ass lately. I had a really bad day eating today and I went to the gym for a loooong time. And the worst part? I’ve been planning since about Wednesday night / Thursday morning when I could go to the gym and work out a lot. I’ve been piling a lot of food on my plate for lunch and only eating a little. I got really freaked out when one of my friends asked, “Why do you always get so much food and then never eat it? You don’t eat anything!” ED’s being a sneaky little thing and getting back at me since I’m at school. And I’m feeling really icky about my legs. They just seem extra fat this week… and it’s only the first week back. No, I’m going to beat this. I’m going to win. ED’s not going to have control over the rest of my life.

Ahhh! I’m probably boring you girls by now with all my babbling! I’ll be commenting later night ‘cause I’ve got lots of time. ;) Have a nice Saturday night!

9 comments:

ohsoravenous said...

Hi love <3

1. Thanks so much for your comment. Honestly it means so much to hear (read?) things like that.

2. I'm so so so sowie ED's being an assface ): Please please do try not to give in, it won't do you any good. And as for people making comments, gahhh what do they know? I have to put up with comments too and believe me I know how much it SUCKS! But what can we do?

Tell me if you ever need to talk, I can AIM/Skype/MSN/text/Facebook/whatevs (:

3. That's a whole lotta bars!

Have fun with the yogurt tastin', love!

ohsoravenous said...

Ooo and also...don't be embarrassed to like a boy! That's EXCITING!

Squill said...

Nooo, don't let ED be an asshole! Don't listen to him! Find comfort and support in your friends. Think of all the wonderful things you could be doing in the time you spend at the gym.

As for the boy... ha, I was in a similar situation last year. I really screwed things up, though... be careful. Perhaps you can work up the courage to actually talk to him? ;)

P.S. Could I have your e-mail? There are some things I don't really want to say in a public comment :x

Kiki said...

Ahhh no, block out ED! You've been so strong lately, with challenging yourself at home and sharing your story with us. Don't let ED take away all the progress you've made. Going to the gym is only going to turn you into a overexercising, weight losing zombie again. Your life can be so much more than that!

Good luck with the boy.. I'm not to knowledgeable in that department. Maybe if you actually talk to him, he'll be able to understand all the jumbled feelings you have now.

Enjoy your Sunday! Much love

Baylee♥ said...

Hey girlie! QUESTION: are those name's the guys' real names? Ha, if they are, guys from Rhode Island/Georgia have much cooler names than guys from illinois haha. I DO know what you mean by feeling SO COMPLETELY childish and like a total lovestruck, pathetic teenage girl because you have thest crazy feelings for a guy. My advice: Take a chance, girl! You are gorgeous and any guy is lucky to be admired by you.

i am very sorry that ed is being an ass lately - when isn't he? he's so damn stupid sometimes. but please girlie, if you start using the gym again, do so in moderation. even if you start going 4 or 5 days a week, just do a little bit everyday. your overall health and well being will be better off than going once a week and totally overdoing it..especially if it becomes a habit and you start doing that a couple times a week.

be strong hunny! and go get that boy!

jesslikesithot said...

Lemonbar larabars are so good!! I tried my first one this week!

Hang in there girl, don't let ed tell you your legs are fat, I guarantee they are farrrr from!!! And the way you eat healthily, they never will get fat, but that doesn't mean you aren't aloud to indulge and eat a lot!

thecleanveggie said...

oh goodness i LOVE your bar pictures.
especially the two larabars :)

Tiny Tina. said...

Babycakes, you NEVER bore me. I always look forward to reading your posts! =)
Don't run from this boy if your gut is telling you he's different..speak to him, strike up a friendship with him. Only time will tell if you were right about this, and at the least, you'd have made a nice friendship!
*shoots ED in the gut for you* That's for ruining Em's days!
But it's important to know we all struggle sometimes, recovery wouldn't be well..recovery, without the struggles and the slip ups, because we learn from them and grow stronger from them and learn to shove them away..ooes that make sense?!
I hope you enjoy your week beauty. =)
xoxox

burpandslurp said...

I AM SOOOOO PROUD of you for tryin to make an active change like trying chips again and going for higher-calories yogurts!
and about that boy...go GRAB him! not literally of course...go talk him up, befriend him, but maybe don't show him you're interested in that way...let HIM drool after you! even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have a new friend! the thing is, relationships are not all meant to turn out good and eternal...it's mostly the FAILED relationships that actually teaches us, make us grow, and strengthens us the most.
sorry about the ED struggles, but you know what you've got to do. since you can't really shut him out, DROWN him out by doing everything he tells you not to do! challenge him until he turns his tail first to run! you can do it, emily! I'm rooting and hooting for ya!
btw, I gave you a little shout-out at my blog in answer to your question about the pistachio cheese...